we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
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