based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
Randomize
