end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
No subtext here. People are naked.
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Randomize
