oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
Randomize