there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
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And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
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I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
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