Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
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