Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
