I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
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