I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
I think I just sharted jello shots
Randomize
