Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
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