i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
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