Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
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