Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
