i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Randomize
