so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
