Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
Randomize
