Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
Randomize
