JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize
