It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
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I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
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I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
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