Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
Randomize
