hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
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