I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize
