I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
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