You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
Randomize
