best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
