when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
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