bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Randomize
