I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
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