just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
Randomize
