How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
