i was rollin on her like bob the builder
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
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