Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
No...this little piggys going to the bar
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
Randomize
