I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
Randomize
