'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
Randomize
