Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
Randomize