i barfeds in our rink
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
