you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
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They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
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