so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
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