I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
