i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
I need to align my fucking chakras
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