i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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