Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
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