Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Randomize
