Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
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