so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
She made me pour olive oil on her.
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Randomize
