I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize
