We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
Why can't burritos get me drunk
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
