There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Randomize
