you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize