My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize
