I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
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