he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
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