everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
Oh god it's open bar.
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
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