Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
Randomize
