We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
Randomize
