there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Randomize
