I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize
