What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
Holy sore nipples Batman
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
Randomize
