Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Randomize
