those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
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