I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
it hurts more in the daytime
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Randomize
