I didn't shave. On purpose
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Randomize
