We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
Randomize
