You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
I got her a Nickelback box set.
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Randomize
