She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Randomize
