This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
