OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
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