I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Randomize
