In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Randomize
