Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
pray to the hookup gods
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
