Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
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