There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
