I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
