Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
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