Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
Randomize
