That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
Randomize
