I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
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