I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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